Dear senserely yours,
I am a UP student and I am having a hard time fixing my life right now. You see, I really have the biggest crush on this girl whom I can only describe as perfect. We've been close friends for quite some time now and I am just really happy that I got to meet her. However, here's my problem: She doesn't feel the same way for me. Worse, she likes someone else.
Huhu why is life like that? I've been there through the ups and downs but no matter what I do to catch her attention, she doesn't seem to notice at all. What am I supposed to do? Bakit po hindi ako crush ng crush ko?
Blue
Dear Blue,
Before we talk about your predicament, I would like you to watch a video. Do not skip ahead and continue reading, it is important for you to watch the video because it would help you to better understand the things written below.
Amusing, wasn’t it? The video you have just seen is an example of inattentional blindness. Inattentional blindness is a phenomenon wherein people fail to notice stimuli that is right in front of their eyes because they are preoccupied with another task that demands their attention (Most, Scholl, Clifford, & Simons, 2005). So what does the moonwalking bear and inattentional blindness got to do with anything? As you mentioned in your letter, this crush of yours does not feel the same way towards you and to add up to this she seems to have a crush on another person. In your situation, you are the moonwalking bear. Even if you do a whole lot of things for her, like moonwalk for example, there is a relatively small chance that your crush would notice you because her attention is focused on the person she likes. She focuses on a specific thing while ignoring others; this is what we call selective attention (Goldstein, 2010).
Do not be discouraged by all of this information. If you really want to pursue a potential relationship with this girl then you better start doing things that will lead you to that direction. Here are a few things that could take you one step closer to your goal.
1. Stand out. Of course, the first thing you need to do is to get her attention. One of the easiest ways to get attention is to attract the eyes. Try wearing bright-colored clothes or color your hair blue (if she's into that kind of thing) if you have the guts. If you really want her to notice you then don't be just another wallflower, stand out from the crowd.
2. Be remembered. Getting her attention is not enough. Do things that you would be remembered for. Use your talents like playing the guitar or doing magic tricks whenever she's there. She will surely be thinking of you the next time she sees a guitar or a deck of cards. When you are more meaningful to her there is a big chance that you can get her attention and even more, she may recognize your presence even if she is not focusing her attention directly at you.
3. Be yourself. One thing that you should never forget is to be yourself. You do not have to change the way you are just to please someone. If your efforts have failed then don't let that stop you from living your life. The right one will come at the right time. However, if your efforts did work (congratulations!), you will be salient to her. You will always have her attention and it is impossible for her to unsee you, just like the moonwalking bear.
Senserely yours,
Holly
References
Goldstein, E.B. (2010). Sensation and Perception (8th edition). USA: Wadsworth Cengage Learning.
Most, S. B., Scholl, B. J., Clifford, E. R., & Simons, D. J. (2005). What You See Is What You Set: Sustained Inattentional Blindness and the Capture of Awareness. Psychological Review, 112(1), 217-242. doi:10.1037/0033-295X.112.1.217
Photo credit
http://images6.fanpop.com/image/photos/32600000/Teddy-Bear-blue-stuffed-animals-32604304-1200-1200.jpg
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