Can Romantic Love Still Exist?

I think pretty much all of us have this goal of someday meeting the one. That one person who we fall madly in love with and will spend the rest of our lives in some form of marital bliss. Yes, the perfect romance. That is the dream a lot of us have at night. However, is something like that really possible? Can two people possibly sustain the same level of intense passion and love they felt when they first started going out? If you think about it, it seems really difficult and extremely tiring. Moreover, the way society treats marriage these days does not help.

Society today seems to no longer believe that romantic love can still exist in long term relationships. We have Hollywood actors and actresses getting divorced left and right after spending years together, and even building families together. Even Clint Eastwood, someone who is well into his eighties opted for a divorce. In fact, we even have sayings such as the “7 year bump” which describes how the love between two people will eventually fade after spending a certain amount of time together. There seems to be this prevalent belief in today’s society that it is impossible to sustain long term relationships. We are beginning to believe that those fairy tale romances which we all saw in movies and books back then really do belong in the fiction section.

Before exploring the topic of romantic love and long-term relationships any further, it is important that we first must understand what romantic love is so as to avoid any confusion. Romantic love is basically love with intensity, engagement and sexual interest. Obsession is not a requirement for love to be considered romantic; however, it can be present (Acevedo & Aron, 2009).

Back in 2009, however, Acevedo and Aron attempted to discover whether or not romantic relationships still exist in long-term relationships. Interestingly, they concluded that romantic love does exist in long term relationships despite the growing belief that its attainment is impossible. In fact, romantic love was still significantly linked with marital satisfaction, just as it is linked with satisfaction in long-term relationships.

Acevedo and Aron (2009) suspect that the confusion society has concerning romantic love is due to their idea of obsession. Romantic love in long-term relationships need not the presence of obsession since obsession has been linked with immaturity and emotional turmoil. In fact, obsession has been negatively linked to marital satisfaction which is the opposite result for short-term relationships. It is apparent from the study that as the relationship endures, romantic love can exist, but the obsessive feelings an individual feels for the other may altogether disappear.

If you find the analyses done by these researchers hard to believe, maybe understanding the biological evidences of romantic love in long-term relationships will change your mind. Neural correlates are seen which suggest that the feeling of romantic love felt long-term relationships is very much similar to the feeling felt in the early stages of romantic love since similar brain regions are activated. The dopamine rich areas of the brain is activated which rewards the individual for being associated to a long-term partner which is also seen at the start of love. Moreover, long-term relationships also include brain systems which are related to pair-bonding (Acevedo et. al., 2012). It is therefore well within our biology to still experience the same level of love we felt at the start of a new relationship even with partners we have been with for years. Furthermore, hormones such as vasopressin and oxytocin which are seen to be actively present in monogamous animals are also present in humans who are in monogamous, long-term relationships.

Knowing that romantic love does exist in long-term relationships, I guess it would not hurt for us to try to achieve it. Romantic love does have its benefits after all. Romantic love has been linked to better well-being, mentally, emotionally and, yes, even physically. So good luck with your search for true love and maybe even immortality!

References:

Acevedo, B. P., & Aron, A. (2009). Does a long-term relationship kill romantic love?. Review of General Psychology, 13(1), 59.

Acevedo, B. P., Aron, A., Fisher, H. E., & Brown, L. L. (2012). Neural correlates of long-term intense romantic love. Social cognitive and affective neuroscience, 7(2), 145-159.