"Listen... to the song here in my heart"

Dear I Say,

            Lately, my boyfriend hasn’t really been listening to me. His mind seems to be preoccupied with something else and we usually fight about it because it makes me feel neglected. But last night, I got so scared because I saw my parents fighting for the exact same reason! My mom got mad at my dad for not listening to her, to what she was telling him. They fight about this day in and day out, and I’m scared that my boyfriend and I might end up in the same situation soon! I don’t want us to be the couple that always fights, and never has fun. Please help us not have those same problems. What can I do so that my boyfriend and I could stop fighting?

           

Senserely yours,

Ms. Confused

You want your boy to listen to you? Here, belch out some Beyonce-hitting notes and may be he'll finally lend you an ear!

Hey Ms. Confused!

            Don’t worry about you and your boyfriend ending up like your parents! First of all, they’re married, so that’s one big difference that your relationships have.  Secondly, they have been together for probably more than twenty years, which is another big difference you have with them. So you don’t have to worry about ending up just like them! I know it’s one common fear that we all have, and we do what we can to not end up like our parents. But a wise man once told me that the more we try to be the opposite of who are parents are, the more that we may become like them. So just sit back, relax, and don’t worry your pretty little head too much.

            And if those reasons aren’t enough for you, let me feature a psychological study that might illustrate my point better. Researchers from the Queen’s University in Canada have shown the world, through the Psychological Science journal that couples tend to easily tune out the voice of their partners when presented with the voices of strangers. For this study, they took couples whose ages ranged from 44-79 (which is probably where your parents’ age falls) to participate. They recorded the voice of their spouse, and played it against voices of unfamiliar people who were also talking, and asked the participants to note what the unfamiliar voice was saying. They found out that the middle-aged couples could easily understand what the stranger’s voice was saying, effectively tuning out their partner’s voice. But when it came to older couples, researchers noted that it was harder for them to distinguish what the other voice was saying, and instead focused on the voice of their own partner. Now isn’t that sweet? They also saw similar effects with couples who have only been together for 5 years or less. They also had a hard time blocking out the voice of their partner when placed with another voice.

            So really, you have no reason to worry. It will take a couple of years before you and your partner come to the point wherein you can easily block the other one out. (But of course, that’s assuming you last that long. Just kidding!) Maybe your boyfriend is just going through some things, or is busy worrying about his upcoming exams or games this coming week. Try to be more understanding and give him the benefit of the doubt. And if you hear your parents arguing again, just tell your mom that it’s hard to make your dad change, especially when his brain is already pre-wired to act that way!

Senserely yours,

I Say Hontiveros <3

Sources: Ross, P. Tuning out spouses: Science says ignoring your better half is what we're wired to do. International Science Times. Retrieved from : http://www.isciencetimes.com/articles/5981/20130831/tuning-out-spouses-science-ignoring-marriage.htm

Couples can recognize or tune out their spouse's voice. (2013, Dec 31). GeoBeats News. [Video podcast]. Retrieved from www.youtube.com/watch?v=PlUBA-Hxqp8‎